in a quiet sort of way. Everyone here knows there's four of us going,
and I've been asked many times how I feel, if I'm ready, etc. I get
messages in meditation sometimes, and the latest one says 'exist in
the moment' so that's what I'm focusing on. I'm especially aware of my
expectations, of my experience with the last vipassana retreat and how
it's all about surrender - letting myself go and letting go of myself.
Just being.
It's hard to say goodbye to the group and the circumstance we have
going on right now. It's all really lovely - the house vibe of pure
positivity, where we look for what we can do for each other, where
compliments are rampant, where people ask how you are and wait for an
answer, where people really look at you, take notice of you,and where
you have the space to do the same. I want to keep this aspect, this
space in my life, and I guess it's up to me to do it. I have so
enjoyed the community here, and I know it won't be the same when we
return - we'll all change, I'm moving out of the Family Center and to
the Women's Dorm when I return, and Woody's doing the silent Nyung Na
retreat, which means the person I'm closest to here won't be talking.
I think I may be entering a space of much silence, who knows.
I asked the I Ching about what's next and it said Conjoining - finding
that spark and following it. It said this will be a long thread, a
good one to follow, and the first thing that popped into my head was
healing. I want to follow a healing modality - perhaps qigong healing
- at some point in the near future. I'm in a good part of the world to
explore my options.
So much has happened while I've been walking in the dark here. As it
was happening, it didn't feel like much, but I had a cry in the
kitchen this evening about leaving and everything changing, and then I
went about my business. We're having a last Happy Hour this evening,
gathering our core group together to enjoy and appreciate each other
and say those things we've thought but not said.
What I want most to keep in mind is that better things are coming.
This circumstance may not happen again, but I have the intention of
living like this again, of being this comfortable in community again,
and the world has a way of providing. Going with the flow, going with
the universe is effortless, it provides. And I am so grateful!
