Chenrezig Institute in Eudlo, near Maleny in Queensland. I've been
staying in Heaven in the Hills, a retreat center where we care for
burnt-out carers and generally wash up, serve food, make beds, fetch
and carry...and make wonderful mosaics! I made the most beautiful
table that (if you couldn't tell) I'm super-proud of. Carol, who owns
the place, is the non-stop mother replacement and Andy is the live-in
caretaker who has kidney disease of some sort, so when he's not
pushing himself to accomplish things, he's napping. It's beautiful
here, very green, with a view over the valley and occasional afternoon
thundershowers that roll in, roll over and roll on. Beautiful.
I've been working through a lot of emotional stuff lately, which means
crying for no reason, talking about my childhood, and listening to AJ
Miller talks - this guys who says he's Jesus reincarnated. It is the
most interesting thing, but mostly, he talks about processing the
emotions you have that make you react or act funny or get angry - it's
just about allowing yourself to experience them and then let it go so
you can move on. The thing is, the wounds often go really deep, so
finding the source of the emotion can take a while. I wonder how
they'll take all this emotion at Chenrezig?
What's surprising to me is that I'm realizing I'm excited about
returning to Eugene and exploring the community there - something I've
never done, even though I grew up there. I want to stay in the states
with this community - I'm too attached to family to leave, and the
incomparable country, especially Oregon - and that's a good piece of
honesty for me. Previously, I claimed I couldn't stand to live in the
states because of its political history. Every country has it - who
says that one place is better than another?
And, just to come clean, I won't be silent (But maybe praying, who
knows?) at Chenrezig.
